Afraid to Hope

Finally.
I've got something to do.
I know everyone is not happy
'cept for my boss, probably.
So what if it's not what I've studied for?
So what if it doesn't pay that much?
(or if it pays nothing at all)
So what if it's not what they all want for me?
I'm just glad I've got something to do.
I'm just glad someone wants me.
Yeah, it's scary.
It's a whole new world.
There's tons I've got to learn
And a lot more for me to experience.
It's not a lot of fun,
but it's not a total dump either.
There's lots of people to be nice to,
but everyone is nice
at least for now.
So, it's not all bad.
I'm just taking it a day at a time.
Trying not to overthink,
or to overdream,
or to overexpect.
If no one is happy for me,
then at least I'll be happy for myself.

Random Stuff

I don't think I'll ever have the time to edit this particular post.
I'm not even sure if I have anything worth posting here.
Just want to say hi to my blog.
It's been a while. Really.

So the thing is (sorry TL can't help it)
I found this job ad
It starts on the 6th and I'm still here,
waiting
for wut, I dunno.
Or maybe I'm, once again, in my signature zombie-like trance.

It happens when something important occurs in my life.
I can't decide as quickly as I want to and yet I know,
I really, really know how important this thing is.
I mean, camon.
I've wanted this kind of job for a long time
And now it's here. humehello na
wut the hell am I doing, dumbstruck?
ngrrr...get.out.of.this.trance. NOW.
yun lang.

A New Path

An opportunity has been given to me.
At first, I thought it was impossible.
Too late. No more time for second chances.

I thought more on it though,
and I realized that despite the shock and negativity
that this little event brought on,
there was a tiny spark of excitement in me.

The thought of actually making things happen,
the 'what if it can be ' feeling,
I felt a sense of wonder.

I decided to take it on.
A challenge, perhaps?
Most probably.

I'm going back to school.
Hopefully. :)

Little Traveller

This is another FB repost

Today at 7:24pm
Sometimes you need to lose your old self to find yourself.
But when you find yourself,
don't lose yourself again....
- Paolo Coelho

There is no coincidence.
I was just thinking a few days ago that I lost the little traveler that was me.
And I want her back.

I think the only people who knew
that old me would be my parents and my older sister. Yeah and I told Bem some days ago, too.

When I was in preschool, I'd get myself in trouble with mama.
Not because I fought with the other kids or was naughty in class.
But because she would always end up as the last parent
in the waiting area for parents picking up their kids.
Sometimes she would even stay up to near afternoon looking all over for me.

I was always wandering around, see.
I marveled at the unknown rooms and giant structures
that was the gymnasium and auditorium.
I was exhilarated at exploring the silence of the chapel.
It was thrilling, that sense of the forbidden.
And yeah I remembered slipping myself
in between the barred gates of the playground.
To check if I can get in, I'd slip my lunchbox first
in between the metal grills of the gate.
Then I'd try to see if I can get my head
to the other side of those bars.
If it fits, then the game begins!
How simple that happiness was! And yet how profound. :)

So I was trying to bring back the feeling of the fearless traveler.
The endless excitement of satiating one's curiosity
without fearing other's judgement.
I was never worried about what others would think back then
maybe because I had no one with me to worry about.
Still I miss the carefree days of my traveling years.

I'll try to channel it again.
Wish me luck. :)

The Right Side Of My Bed

Okay, so I've noticed I'm posting a-notch-lower-than-heavy
kind of stuff. Emo to be precise.

So at this point I'm gonna try, really, to inject enthusiasm,
a bit of a cheer, some optimism,
all the non-heavy stuff on my posts.

After all, we have to choose happiness.
I have to stop going with the heavy flow of pessimism or nihilism.
It's not good for my life.

Although I'm pretty certain that Rainy Days will always
evoke a bit of nostalgia, wistfulness, and a sense of solitude in me.
Thus, provoking the flow of my creative juices.
(*cough cough ahem*)
Hence, the name of my blog.

Ah well.
Rainy Days doesn't always mean sadness.
It's all kinds of purging at most. And that's not negative.

So, hopefully, my next post would be a refreshing kind.
Like a fresh summer drizzle.

Cheers.