Being A Mom

I used to really hate kids.
I don't like seeing them.
I never liked being in the same room where kids are running around screaming their heads off.
I always had the feeling that they'd put a gum in my hair, or run a grocery cart right into the back of my ankles, or step on my newly pedicured feet.
Yes. All of those happened to me.
I hated kids.
Until I became a mom.

Now I see babies, toddlers, preschoolers and those in gradeschool and my heart melts.
Yes I still have those moments when I'd like to give those naughty ones a good spanking, but then, I see my son in my head.
And in a blink of an eye, I relax. And I smile.
Ooh those chubby cheeks and smiling eyes.

Ah I love you my dearest son.
Mommy will try to be the best mommy in the world for you.
You'll be home from Bicol soon.
Mommy and Daddy misses you so much.

Posted via Blogaway

Posted via Blogaway

Best Wishes

Weddings.
Never thought I'd have one.

Now I'm excited to plan my wedding with you.

I imagine myself trembling at the edge of the red carpet.
Everyone's eyes on me.
My breath hitches and catches on my throat.
Butterflies fly like crazy in my stomach.
There's a ringing in my ears and I feel faint.

Then I see you.

Smiling at the end of the aisle,
waiting for me.

My feet starts walking on the carpet.
Perhaps there's a sense of me floating?
I can't wait to reach you
...to put my hand on yours
...to feel your warmth.

I reach you at last.
I look at you for a moment,
my eyes searching your face.
I see your dimple,
if only I could kiss it now, I would think.
I see your lips,
lucky me, I found Cupid's bow.

Then I finally put my hand on yours.
And I know all is right with the world.

Marry me?

Changes

You asked me to delete them old stuff so I did.

That's how much I love you.
The part where I told you that my notes are a source of pride. It's always been true.
But for you I can forget my pride.
Funny, someone asked me which was more important, love or pride?
Course that was back then so I answered pride.
Then I lost count of how many times I ate my word.
You're the one who made me eat them, did you know?
Everyone I know is shocked at how I've changed. For the better ha.
My friends are especially surprised at how sweet I am to you (naks!)
They told me I was the farthest thing from sweet before.
Ha! What have you now?
Your sweetest wife, of course.
Or at least, trying to be.

I love, love, love, love, love you.
Thank you for the blog posts. It touched me to my very core.

Steady Strength

It's been a while since I've posted here.
A lot's happened already.
Preggers, marriage, soon to be a full-time mum...
Before all these, there's a small part in me that had inhibitions -
thoughts of our marriage not working out:
me leaving you, you leaving me,
you know, that kind of thing where it all ends in unhappiness?
I guess these thoughts are remnants of the beliefs I've had about love.
I never believed I would be lucky enough to meet someone who would truly love me.

Well, it's been a pleasant surprise everyday
To see your care, to feel your affection, and to taste your passion.
(The latter, really, has been the most amazing thing with me being apathetic mostly and all that)

Everyday I know my love for you grows stronger.
Steadily stronger.

For You II

I woke up today in total darkness.
But it was ok because I felt you beside me.
Your warmth.
Your heaviness.
Your silent, constant breathing that tells me you're asleep.
It gave me such joy because you were with me.
I searched around for my phone and read your message:
'To be honest I'm scared because you're scared'
I'm sorry for scaring you, my love.
I'm scared of hurting you, yes.
But I'm scared of losing you even more.
That, I've just realized at this very moment.
And it hurts when I think about how you will leave.
I've never been like this before.
Always, I have an exit plan before I go into any situation.
- into any relationship.
But not with you.
I never thought about this exit plan.
I just went with the flow when I started with you.
I'm not even thinking of an exit plan -
simply because my brain can't accept the fact that you won't be with me.
I'm scared.
I've always relied on myself.
I've never shared myself with anyone.
Not even family.
And now, I'm opening myself up to you.
Relying on you. Depending on you.
If you leave me, I'm lost.
You'll be my karma.
And I've realized that you're not beside me.
It was my brain playing cruel tricks on me.
I miss you.
I love you.
Don't leave me.