For You II

I woke up today in total darkness.
But it was ok because I felt you beside me.
Your warmth.
Your heaviness.
Your silent, constant breathing that tells me you're asleep.
It gave me such joy because you were with me.
I searched around for my phone and read your message:
'To be honest I'm scared because you're scared'
I'm sorry for scaring you, my love.
I'm scared of hurting you, yes.
But I'm scared of losing you even more.
That, I've just realized at this very moment.
And it hurts when I think about how you will leave.
I've never been like this before.
Always, I have an exit plan before I go into any situation.
- into any relationship.
But not with you.
I never thought about this exit plan.
I just went with the flow when I started with you.
I'm not even thinking of an exit plan -
simply because my brain can't accept the fact that you won't be with me.
I'm scared.
I've always relied on myself.
I've never shared myself with anyone.
Not even family.
And now, I'm opening myself up to you.
Relying on you. Depending on you.
If you leave me, I'm lost.
You'll be my karma.
And I've realized that you're not beside me.
It was my brain playing cruel tricks on me.
I miss you.
I love you.
Don't leave me.

For You

I don't believe in Absolutes.

The Universe possibly doesn't have an end.
There is no such thing as Forever.

But let's talk about you.

To be honest, I never thought we would be together.
I've always thought of you as someone who's into the demure and feminine type.
So. Not. Me.
When you were into another girl who fit that category I've thought,
'How lucky she is to have your admiration and love.'
And now I am saying,
How lucky I am to have your admiration and love.
You know that right?

I'm scared.
Afraid to trust your belief in the Absolute.
But I trust you.
I trust in your love and your intention to stay with me.
Perhaps not forever but I know you will try.
I'm not the forever-type of girl anyway.
And I will try too.
I have never stayed long enough with anyone before.
I hope it's you I'll stay with.
Not forever.
As long as you're happy with me, I'll be here.

It's raining.
How apt. My blog started one rainy day, you know.
I've had lots of firsts with you.
I hope the lasts are yours too.

You don't have to make me believe in absolutes.
You're here. That's good enough for me.
See you in a bit. ^^